The Phoenix Main Board (1:346/11)
 Msg  : 400 of 400                          Cra                                 
 From : Dave Laird                          1:346/11        Thu 01 Jun 95 12:18 
 To   : Everyone                                                                
 Subj : The Corporate Credo                                                     
 
Hello Everyone!

In today's enlightened society, nearly everything that once was a public
entity has been stripped of its anonymity and replaced with one or more
familiar corporate logos.

For example, the Spokane Indian's Stadium survived several decades mired in
simplicity, stale hot dogs and paper beer cups. After all, this is Spokane,
and the Indians played in this stadium, did they not? When the tax base that
once supported this public arena began to fail, when fixed costs began to
spiral upward out of sight, another support methodology had to be found for
the old stadium, and thus corporate think-speak became legitimized. We now
have the Seafirst Stadium.

Of course, we have the Bloomsday Corporate Cup, in which not only do the
corporations help with financial support, but send their best runners to
compete against one another.

For nearly an equal number of years the collective we rejoiced, gang, drugs
and violence-free, over the Lilac Festival Torchlight Parade through
downtown Spokane. Likewise, when the cost(s) of running this annual event
began to overrun the revenues which it generated, once again the bank with a
conscience stepped forward, giving us now the Seafirst Lilac City Torchlight
Parade.

In fact, in looking around our fair city, it is hard to spot any worthwhile
public event or place of assemblage that has not received at least a passing
stamp from the imprimatur of corporate funding and correctness. Rather than
spend public funding on any similar worthy activity, our city fathers seem
hell-bent upon weaving a continual exasperating tapestry of high-priced
seminars, advisors and sweetheart deals, thus leaving exposed the entire
underbelly of our city's recreational, cultural and artistic community.

In this fast-moving, ever-changing environment, rather than destroying or
eliminating many of the social programs or physical edifices which have, for
so long graced our city, financial transposition is creating a whole new
class of funding opportunities for morally aware corporations and firms
looking for approvable means to serve within the community in which they do
business.

Therefore, let us take a look at some of the possible ways in which the god
almighty corporate dollar can serve in this fiscal hothouse and let us find,
hidden within our community, some of the corporations, firms and agencies
that would make suitable sponsors for some of these events, as The Phoenix
presents yet another edition of:

              CORPORATE SPONSORS YOU NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE NOW

             And the Conspiracy to Prevent You From Doing so...

EVENT OR PLACE:     The Spokane Hoops Basketball Competition held annually
in downtown Spokane.

CORPORATE SPONSOR:    This year City Council Member and Genuine Nice Kinda'
Guy Joel Crosby has agreed to underwrite the funding of this event which
exemplifies youthful athletic competition at its finest and serves as a
viable alternative to gangs and street violence in our youth. We understand
from anonymous sources within City Hall that Councilman Crosby has
furthermore agreed to let Cox Cable videotape the entire event, ostensibly
to be shown during selected meetings on closed-circuit TV in City Hall
during the NCAA off-season. Way to go, Joel!


EVENT OR PLACE:    The Office of Public Information currently located in
City Hall

CORPORATE SPONSOR:    Kudos go to Owner Spacey Cowles and Editor Chris
Peckerwood of Spokane's own Ragweed Gazette for saving this much-needed and
constitutionally-required agency from the fiscal axe. With the current
budget shortfalls that are facing the City of Spokane, it seemed certain
that the Office of Public Information would close its doors forever.
However, now that the Ragweed Gazette has so thoughtfully offered to take
over and manage the dissemination of all public records for the City of
Spokane, the future seems much brighter, indeed. Henceforth, the Ragweed
will carefully examine all public documents and determine which, if any,
require the attention of the voting public. This isn't to say that they
don't already do that. It is just that from now on, they will pay the
cost(s) of running the Information Office.

EVENT OR PLACE:    The City Parks and Recreation Department

CORPORATE SPONSOR:    One of Spokane's finest hoteliers, Barbieri and
Associates, were the first to step forward when Mayor Jack Geraughty
informed the general public that, due to budgetary constraints, the Spokane
Parks and Recreation Department would close for an indefinite period of
time. In a carefully-worded agreement between Barbieri and the City of
Spokane, and in consideration of the permits necessary to erect a series of
plush resort hotels in each of the city parks, an agreement was reached
between Barbieri and the City at a cost savings to the taxpayers of nearly
half a million dollars. According to the Barbieri plan, each park will
consist of a 5 foot wide gravel path around each resort hotel. This space
will be dedicated, at no charge, back to the city as open space. Trespassers
will be arrested.

EVENT OR PLACE:    The Starlight Motor Inn on East Sprague

CORPORATE SPONSOR:    Hardly anyone wants to directly help support this
often newsworthy motel, favorite of the ladies of the evening on East
Sprague. Although it is well-known for its cheap hourly rates, self-service
ice and a personable staff of employees who, for the right price, will allow
just about anyone or anyTHING into a motel room. However, if you study the
motel closely, particularly late at night when business is at its best, you
might be surprised to discover that corporate Spokane is providing
substantial quantities of indirect support. Administrators, Vice Presidents
and Presidents of major corporations-- even a few politicians and off-duty
vice cops-- all flock to this rustic facility to do their part of indirectly
supporting one of Spokane's oldest businesses.

Well, there you have it, folks. Don't look now, but corporate Spokane needs
you now more than ever before, but don't ask what they can do for you-- ask
what you can do for THEM.

Dave

... Is a network of bureaucrats is a federalist?

 * Origin: The Phoenix--Insurrection DOES have a face after all...
 * (1:346/11)